SLC PUNK! then...Candyfest Seattle

So after i blogged I was hungry and walked to buger kang where they got the veggie burgers, but they wouldn't serve me cuz i did not have a car. i was too hungry to even fight em for it. that show was boresville, though! nobody came in from outside, and i guess the people inside liked us, but i didn't like them, so screw it. Our poor friends in F the Informer lost mad money on having rented the place and a PA that didn't really work. Oh well, F the Informer are cool and Audacity is cool and we are cool, so the show was pretty cool over all. But man, I was Hoongra! I paid like $4 fer a little thing of white rice and a side of teriyaki sauce. It was delicious but i needed like 3 more of them and i have no money. Yeah, can you believe that? Lee totally lied to us and made us give him our last dollars for gas on the long drive to Seattle. So i now have no money whatsoever, and have been eating handfuls of other peoples snacks and whatever free food we can get off the bars. Frak you Lee! You have a gas card and have spent at least a hundred on records! I'm frakking hungry Lee! I have $2 dollars that i stole off of the ceiling at the Comet (it's a magic trick they do there) and i'm too scared to spend it cuz maybe i could actually be hungrier than this later. How many dollars did you spend at the clubs yesterday, Lee? I'm stealing that money back. And then I'm gonna eat like you do. Anyway (sorry), after the show we went to Brian's house. He's our friend from Anaheim, back in the day and whatnot so we chilled out. they had a gorgeous sounding electric keyboard, and a hearse filled with mannequin legs. But don't try to sleep in the hearse, it smells awful! The next day we woke up later than we were supposed to and got breakfast at the diner Brian works at. I got an in no way remarkable omelette with tomatoes avocado cheese and spinach. Oh man it was good! I'm so hungry! Thank you Brian. Free food rules! After eating we got on the road and drove forever. Alex and Sean were all grumpy or something and they just boned out and ditched us, so that they could go to, wait for it, the stupid ass cracker barrel. So while they were having second glasses of chilled lemonade and eating essence of pink, i'm handing Lee my last $100 and wondering if they were gonna bother grabbing some extra biscuits (they didn't). I hate not having money. what am i gonna do? we don't have a show tonite so i really doubt a bar will be giving me food. But I digress. We got to seattle 13 hours later, at like 1230, and went to a warehouse show that sub pop was throwing to meet up with our friend Darlene. After being in the van all day we were stoked to have something to do. We got all hyphy and busted outta the van just in time to hear the cops over the loudspeaker tellin everyone to disperse. Haiee! I guess the cops rushed the stage where comets on fire were playing and grabbed the guy who owned the place, threw him in the back of their car, and told everyone to go home or he goes to jail. i think. we were only there ten minutes, tops. But we saw Darlene and her bandmate Aubrey, who was clearly not overjoyed to see us. Sorry Aubrey. We went back to Darlene's tiny, beautiful house from the 20's, filled it up with sleeping bags then slept. The next morning was nice for me. I woke up super early in the van and started reading a book i'm liking called Stranger in a Strange Land. I had some oatmeal we jacked from a continental breakfast somewhere and sat around waiting fer everyone to wake up. i do this every day. Eventually they did and we planned lunch with Darlene, Mama Casserole and her friend Michelle. Thank you for lunch ladies, it was delicious! It was an upscale bar n grill type place that had been around forever and no longer smelled. i heard it used to, and I believe it cuz the room in the back with the pool tables still smelled. I had a very good and fancy veggie burger with pepperjack cheese and avocado with seasoned fries. Matt got a strawberry shake that was also fantastic. Mama and her friend talked flirty and dirty to us, like they always do sometimes. So after that, we skidaddled over to the comet cuz we were already late for Mama's Candyfest!! An all day 2 bar extravaganza encompassing the finest in bands I'd never heard but heard of. It was super cool. I like The Knast. Finally. Vanessa has been trying to get me to listen to them forever, but I've been very busy doing important things. Like staring at these large Afro-American hicks walk down the street here in Weed, California. The little'n spotted us and totally dogged us right now! Fun bands all! But we were the best. Ha ha ha! Audacity played WAY too early, so people didn't pay enough attention. But, as always, there were some converts and a few turned heads. Game recognize game, you know how it goes. To our eternal delight, our friends Apache and Buzzer joined us and we got down! They weren't lettin the kiddies in (buzzer are half kiddies) but they couldn't do anything about it really. There are these waist high windows that they gotta keep open to cool the place down, so the kids did what came natural. It was funny! Climbing through the windows to dance for a minute and get thrown out again, ahh those were the days. Oh wait it was that day. Ha ha ha! Sorry Mama, but screw it, right? We played and later Buzzer and Apache played and maybe they were the best. I love Apache like alot and you should listen to crystal clear or white hammer or boys life or murple or boomtown gem (oh, sorry only we get to hear that, coming soon: apache/mop split!) or any of em really. They will make you wish you were someone else, and then they turn you into that person. So rockin! Buzzer is a tight little number that you'd swear were gay but they're just cute, and happen to stand a little close. The drummer, thank Bob, was wearing sunglasses this time so i didn't have to endure that hardcore caveman stare he does while he plays. I hope i look that cool sometimes. He plays the drums real tight, without improv fills or flash. It fits the band perfect, cuz they got a real straightforward, earnest classic-punk(?) sound, stripped down just right. Also Andy can write those faux classical chord progressions that you love so much in bands like Sparks and The Quick. It rules. Just like all those guys' other bands. That's about it. But, and I need you to understand this thoroughly, we had alot of fun. Afterwards we got kicked out of 2 or 3 parties before we even got in but whatever, it was too crowded and glam in there anyway...

Salt lake city, oh dear...and Kirby's

So the roots are playin around the corner for free right now and every frat boy and whatever you call those pink girls are all there, livin it up, brah. I think I'm caught up with the blog? Nope. I fergot about Kirby's beer store, which is pretty easy to do, now that i think about it. it's a tiny, tiny and also small bar in wichita, kansas. We play there every tour and no one knows why. It's always empty, and the two people who are in there usually hate us. So we played first cuz there was a nice couple who perked up when we said bubblegum and bought a record. They were like " what time do you go on?" and we were like "now." So they promised to stay fer a song or two but ended up seeing most of our set. We played real soft and pretty like we do at practice sometimes and i think it worked. When Audacity went on they played everything half time and blew my mind again. I'm pretty sure I hate them now. But the two people at the bar sure didn't! When they played that Temptations song, everyone understood what was up. And after that, they played their ridiculously complex and punk rock songs at a pace that even rednecks could get. And it worked! I realized once more how great the damn chord progressions are. I hate you Audacity! You should have seen the looks on the two old guys from kansas' faces! they were reliving their youth for 28 minutes! You are so great Audacity! Take up carpentry or something, i used to be good at this! After that we drove and drove and drove and drove and drove and after that we drove some more then stopped at a hotel. It was early in the evening and did i talk about this already? oh well, i'm bored. we goofed around in a hotel. Have you ever blogged in a headshop in salt lake city? It is boring! Why are we playing a headshop? why are the roots playing around the corner for free? i'm not even embarrassed to be blogging here cuz the whole town is so weird and not cool. also there is no one here that we didnt come with. Mormons? Huh? Me 'n' Lee went to the roots show to swim through a sea of white people and hopefully drum up some customers...wrong. we got some looks and when we talked they were like all collegey. Man, I hate college kids! they daterape on the regular, you know. spring break?! i will never let my daughter out of my house. which will be on a farm in bolivar missouri, way out, yo. Ugh, they were gross. and boring. and stupid. so we fought our way through a swamp of white, privileged filth and worked our way back to this stupid headshop that has no one in it. Duh. Why would anyone hang out at a headshop? even if you smoke, it's not like you can use their products here, it's like a strip club. have i mentioned that i've never been to a strip club? it's true. frak strip clubs. yay me. I'm listening to this awful, wannabe classical violin hip hop thing and i feel like i should do something about it. like tear out my ears and eat them. here comes the show...i can hear our friend brian's band checking the mike...

Boresville USA

So we drove after the show. we didn't even get a hotel i guess, We just drove from 1:30 am to some hotel at like 7 the next night. I dunno. we're almost to SLC and I'm SO LONELY!!!! Matt's talkin to his gal right now and I'm not jealous, cuz his relationship is prolly BS anyway, but damn I'm lonely. these kids, they think they're so in love. it makes me sick to my stomach. So i'm sposed to talk about how we went from nowhere to nowhere and then got a hotel, but who cares? this is so boring! we didn't do anything! we just drove a long time and felt sorry for ourselves (maybe that was just me) and ate and slept. Homegirl at the restaurant was flirting with me, but i hate stupid people, so no. We went to some record stores and bumped into Devon again (i think i may be stalking him) at a gas station, it was boring. I'm so bored. and lonely. Frak tour.

Kansas City! Devolution Will I AM S

So we got another show with D rock W town and this one was official dawg, what?! So I slept the whole way there in between reading a very sad and disturbing book called Blood and guts in High School, that I accidentally stole from Addy, sorry Addy. It is SAD! Sorry ladies, your life is difficult and not fair. It upsets me...When we got to the parking lot i despised everything that wasn't the book or sleep so i opted to not go in the record/book store (also i'm poor). I was awoken by a crazy man yelling nonsense inside the record/book store, i guess they wouldn't buy his books or something. We waited and waited and then hurried to play because OH YEAH! that show in des moines was booked, THIS is the one we jumped on! I'm so stupid, sorry. Anyway we had to play super fast and get the heck off the stage, so that the worst college rock crap band could play forever and ever. Oh man they were so terrible. I bet they get famous, that's how bad they were, like sugar ray, radiohead, matt says:clap your hands say yeah (huh?), crazytown, linkin park, paramour etc ad nauseum. Oh they were so bad. You know, fer a long time me an Alex used to go back and forth cuz i'd be all "it's good that they're at least doing something" but man i was wrong Alex! We need to rid the world of this scum. I am hereby starting the Fascist Musical Front, all you have to do is not have bad taste and kill anyone who does. GOOD SONGS UBER ALLES!! Speaking of good songs, have you heard De bong Chillum? Those is some beautiful songs! And the record is so pretty! I should Ghostride The Whip with him someday. Oh wait, I did that on the day I'm tellin you about now! It was so fun! We were sitting inside the boring ass club, and Noved was like "let's have a staring contest" so we did but i gotta blink every second, and he can't stop smiling, so what are you gonna do? I said something that made him think I said "segway" which got us both excited, cuz Segways are prolly real fun, but instead I's all "let's ghostride the Impala." and he's all "what is this, ghostride you speak of?" an I's like "oh snap! lets go ghostride right now!" so we did. It was fun! Delondra was totally down to drive the first time, but he ain't even seen the hyphy movement yet so we opted fer a modicum of safety. No, I don't know what modicum means. Ghostride the Whip. Do it now! It feels so right. My favorite trend ever, it's like the hula hoop times a hundred. Yup. So TMOP played fer five minutes an everyone could care less, then audacity did the same. Oh well. We had delicious food at half price and I tried to teach matt some proper bar etiquette. I totally spelled etiquette right on the first try! are you proud? please give me money for college! Anyway, they're learning. Dear Matt's parents: you undoubtedly know that your son is ridiculously cute. But maybe you think it's just cuz you love him so much? wrong! he's just cute! if you ever wanna hit on girls at a bar make sure he is nowhere around, he will screw your game up! anyway, me n matt are chillin at the bar eating when some 30 something comes up and says "Hi." to Matt and stares at him for ten minutes. to me. this means a fun conversation fer at least 5 minutes but to poor little Matty, this is terror. In his defense, she was creepy, but when you hang out in bars for a month and a half every summer, your creepy lines get blurred. So Matt tried to be polite to this drunken woman, which she of course took as an invite to keep at him. Ha ha, I say! Matt shared his fries with her and got the frak outta there as fast as he could. I told her not to take it too hard, but then she thought I was coming on to her so I split. I know I've already gushed at length about how much I like Devon Williams' songs n whatnot, but tonite was AMAZING! A totally empty show and they sonded like they should've been in a hockey arena or something. They are Fantastic and you are sleepin on'em. Sucker. We went around and found a shelf of books that we thought were free. After we'd picked out a bunch we saw the sign that said "honesty is the best policy: hardcover $1 Softbacks $.50." so we only took a couple. But yeah, except fer the Ghostride , it was boring. Sorry parents. Ghostriding is both stupid and dangerous. But fun.

Surprise show in Des Moines! D-Bone Williamson!

So we bummed a show off of 'Devon Williams and the whatever he's calling it now" by being our usual annoying selves. He's like "well I dunno fer sure, but you could try. Why not, right?!"... Sold! So that was our plan, a trip to Fever B's house to pick up a Super Secret, Super Limited Seven Inch which is for me and me alone sorry guys, then a short four hour drive to Des Moines, a town that sounds alright to say but looks just awful written down. Des Moines. That is UGLY! So we left B's magical museum and were on our merry way. Or so we thought. that drive was Scary dude! Sheets of rain would hit the windshield and it'd look like you were driving under a waterfall before you were back to the usual, worse rain than you've ever seen before. You couldn't see anything, so it's not really our fault that we lost audacity, you understand don't you? Anyway we pulled over fer a sec and let things chill and it was smooth sailing after that. We were running late though! Devon Inc had been waiting for us like two hours, oops! Since we were all stir crazy from the whitewater car ride, we went weird on em, heckling nonsense and dancing like peanuts characters. FUN! We totally thought the whole drive was gonna be a waste cuz we were so late, and it was a shakey thing to begin with, but that Devora, he's a sweetie and set up to play before us and chilled those fools out. There was no one there but us really so we had a party! who's gonna stop us? not that creep in the red shirt, that's fer sure. man i wanted to punch that guy in the face and i didn't even feel bad for it. he kept touching me and like pushing me into people like he was tryin flirt 2nd grade style or something. creep! I hate your face, goober! So Devonica played a loose set for us and did not appear to be having too much fun, but that's half schtick i think. it's cute as hell, guys, good job! i wish i had our chicago show on tape so everyone could see how pathetically awkward we are, that would probably be a youtube sensation. Masters of Discomfort. Devonne does it funny. I love Evan Williamson Band, and you all should too. So audacity played really loud and awesome and all us old, road weary, bitter, failed musicians marveled at the beauty of youth, excitement and creativity. Matt rolled around on the floor alot. We played, horribly. Alex was just goofin the whole time, messin with things and makin it funky. i remember sitting down to play solos so i could hear them better. Who cares? The only people in there were the generous bartender, some pinkboys in the back, red shirt and us. After the show we sat around in the hopes of getting paid (nope) and drove a while til we found a cheap hotel. the cozy rest. Precious sleep. P.S. Listening to Deputy Willsburg right now. Love it alot.

turf club

We spent the day driving and probably cranky cuz we we're hungry, but lucky us! Thomas' friend Liz was there in Minneapolis with her parents, who inexplicably bought us two hotel rooms and dinner at a place next door! What a couple of sweeties they must be. I wouldn't know fer sure because i was feeling shy and there was a foosball table at the place we ate. I vanquished many a foe, for none can slay me. Lee and Sean thought my loud barks of triumph were freakin out poor Liz's parents, so I had to tone down the crazy a little bit. Everybody ate burgers and i had a salad or something, who cares? Afterwards, we went to our rooms and showered but i couldn't shave and I hate that! So we went to the club and were almost late but really right on time. We met up with our pals Skipper and Travis and Georgia and Dave, who brought us our hard drive. It was alternately fun and awkward. The show went very well, methinks. Travis (of Fevers/Ramo records fame) was spinnin hit after hit. When are people gonna realize that bubblegum music is perfect for bars? I'm not talking about us, we suck, but real bubblegum feels SO GOOD! Here are some lyrics from a fav of mine "Jamaica Jamaica, Jamaica Jamaica, Jamaica Jamaica, lalalalala, HEY!" See what I mean? Get over your self and get on the floor. Thanks travis, fer settin the mood. So Skipper opened, and everybody danced and spilled their drinks. the soundguy was wack again, but he had the floor tom up way loud and it sounded real tuff. After they played all my favorite songs, we were treated to a new one. Skipper is a boat of mystery. No one is sure where shes headed and that's how Brian likes it, i think. Anyway, they're GREAT. Next up to bat was The Fab Four of Fullerton, who don't know whether or not they sold alot of stuff. That's how we know if you like us, everyone, give us money. I think they were well received, but not as much as they deserved. We played, and I think people liked us...Did people like us Sean? "yeah" he says with like a little "duh" sound thrown in, "we played a great show." I can never tell unless it's really good. I'm a half empty kinda guy with a very weak audience-dar. Headlining the show were the super cool God Damn Doo Wop Band. I liked them alot, even though I got a chip on my shoulder from reading about'em constantly. They were nice too! I'll always be your girl is a really great song. After the show we sat around talking in the parking lot shootin the bull with our palsy walsys, then it was off to our lovely hotel rooms. Once again Thank you to Liz and (really) her parents fo hookin da homies up wit dat phatty hotel, yall, good lookin out. Peace.

My sissy's Bday Milwaukee

That's right my sister's last name is Bush and she was born on the fourth of July. She is more American than you. We woke up at Daniel's and lazily, lazily got up and got some coffee from down the street. Then we went to Addy's house where we had french toast and potatoes, just like last year! After that, we laid around some more and went to the lake, which was great (ha!). Then we went over to the two houses that had connected as one to form this party. It was real fun! There were two basements setup to play in and they'd switch off so there wasn't any downtime between sets. There were like 7 or 8 bands, and one of'em had Matty Awesome in it! He's in a band and they're just like the lakes out there! I was starving all day because a July 4th BBQ in Milwaukee is not the best place to eat if yer a veggie like me. But whatev's, yo. A good time was had by all. The locals were goin crazy with the fireworks and even more crazy when we played. Audacity killed liike they should and everyone in the audience understood einstein's theory of relativity for the first time. Playing is always my favorite part (aww). besides the show they had a street fighter 2 game up in the kitchen and it was fun for five minutes. also, they had underwater fireworks, which destroyed the bucket they were in after a couple were tied together. We all slept on couches downstairs in the basements and woke up hot and in a hurry. I lost my toothbrush. i dunno, maybe blogging isn't such a good idea right now.