Kansas City! Devolution Will I AM S

So we got another show with D rock W town and this one was official dawg, what?! So I slept the whole way there in between reading a very sad and disturbing book called Blood and guts in High School, that I accidentally stole from Addy, sorry Addy. It is SAD! Sorry ladies, your life is difficult and not fair. It upsets me...When we got to the parking lot i despised everything that wasn't the book or sleep so i opted to not go in the record/book store (also i'm poor). I was awoken by a crazy man yelling nonsense inside the record/book store, i guess they wouldn't buy his books or something. We waited and waited and then hurried to play because OH YEAH! that show in des moines was booked, THIS is the one we jumped on! I'm so stupid, sorry. Anyway we had to play super fast and get the heck off the stage, so that the worst college rock crap band could play forever and ever. Oh man they were so terrible. I bet they get famous, that's how bad they were, like sugar ray, radiohead, matt says:clap your hands say yeah (huh?), crazytown, linkin park, paramour etc ad nauseum. Oh they were so bad. You know, fer a long time me an Alex used to go back and forth cuz i'd be all "it's good that they're at least doing something" but man i was wrong Alex! We need to rid the world of this scum. I am hereby starting the Fascist Musical Front, all you have to do is not have bad taste and kill anyone who does. GOOD SONGS UBER ALLES!! Speaking of good songs, have you heard De bong Chillum? Those is some beautiful songs! And the record is so pretty! I should Ghostride The Whip with him someday. Oh wait, I did that on the day I'm tellin you about now! It was so fun! We were sitting inside the boring ass club, and Noved was like "let's have a staring contest" so we did but i gotta blink every second, and he can't stop smiling, so what are you gonna do? I said something that made him think I said "segway" which got us both excited, cuz Segways are prolly real fun, but instead I's all "let's ghostride the Impala." and he's all "what is this, ghostride you speak of?" an I's like "oh snap! lets go ghostride right now!" so we did. It was fun! Delondra was totally down to drive the first time, but he ain't even seen the hyphy movement yet so we opted fer a modicum of safety. No, I don't know what modicum means. Ghostride the Whip. Do it now! It feels so right. My favorite trend ever, it's like the hula hoop times a hundred. Yup. So TMOP played fer five minutes an everyone could care less, then audacity did the same. Oh well. We had delicious food at half price and I tried to teach matt some proper bar etiquette. I totally spelled etiquette right on the first try! are you proud? please give me money for college! Anyway, they're learning. Dear Matt's parents: you undoubtedly know that your son is ridiculously cute. But maybe you think it's just cuz you love him so much? wrong! he's just cute! if you ever wanna hit on girls at a bar make sure he is nowhere around, he will screw your game up! anyway, me n matt are chillin at the bar eating when some 30 something comes up and says "Hi." to Matt and stares at him for ten minutes. to me. this means a fun conversation fer at least 5 minutes but to poor little Matty, this is terror. In his defense, she was creepy, but when you hang out in bars for a month and a half every summer, your creepy lines get blurred. So Matt tried to be polite to this drunken woman, which she of course took as an invite to keep at him. Ha ha, I say! Matt shared his fries with her and got the frak outta there as fast as he could. I told her not to take it too hard, but then she thought I was coming on to her so I split. I know I've already gushed at length about how much I like Devon Williams' songs n whatnot, but tonite was AMAZING! A totally empty show and they sonded like they should've been in a hockey arena or something. They are Fantastic and you are sleepin on'em. Sucker. We went around and found a shelf of books that we thought were free. After we'd picked out a bunch we saw the sign that said "honesty is the best policy: hardcover $1 Softbacks $.50." so we only took a couple. But yeah, except fer the Ghostride , it was boring. Sorry parents. Ghostriding is both stupid and dangerous. But fun.

Surprise show in Des Moines! D-Bone Williamson!

So we bummed a show off of 'Devon Williams and the whatever he's calling it now" by being our usual annoying selves. He's like "well I dunno fer sure, but you could try. Why not, right?!"... Sold! So that was our plan, a trip to Fever B's house to pick up a Super Secret, Super Limited Seven Inch which is for me and me alone sorry guys, then a short four hour drive to Des Moines, a town that sounds alright to say but looks just awful written down. Des Moines. That is UGLY! So we left B's magical museum and were on our merry way. Or so we thought. that drive was Scary dude! Sheets of rain would hit the windshield and it'd look like you were driving under a waterfall before you were back to the usual, worse rain than you've ever seen before. You couldn't see anything, so it's not really our fault that we lost audacity, you understand don't you? Anyway we pulled over fer a sec and let things chill and it was smooth sailing after that. We were running late though! Devon Inc had been waiting for us like two hours, oops! Since we were all stir crazy from the whitewater car ride, we went weird on em, heckling nonsense and dancing like peanuts characters. FUN! We totally thought the whole drive was gonna be a waste cuz we were so late, and it was a shakey thing to begin with, but that Devora, he's a sweetie and set up to play before us and chilled those fools out. There was no one there but us really so we had a party! who's gonna stop us? not that creep in the red shirt, that's fer sure. man i wanted to punch that guy in the face and i didn't even feel bad for it. he kept touching me and like pushing me into people like he was tryin flirt 2nd grade style or something. creep! I hate your face, goober! So Devonica played a loose set for us and did not appear to be having too much fun, but that's half schtick i think. it's cute as hell, guys, good job! i wish i had our chicago show on tape so everyone could see how pathetically awkward we are, that would probably be a youtube sensation. Masters of Discomfort. Devonne does it funny. I love Evan Williamson Band, and you all should too. So audacity played really loud and awesome and all us old, road weary, bitter, failed musicians marveled at the beauty of youth, excitement and creativity. Matt rolled around on the floor alot. We played, horribly. Alex was just goofin the whole time, messin with things and makin it funky. i remember sitting down to play solos so i could hear them better. Who cares? The only people in there were the generous bartender, some pinkboys in the back, red shirt and us. After the show we sat around in the hopes of getting paid (nope) and drove a while til we found a cheap hotel. the cozy rest. Precious sleep. P.S. Listening to Deputy Willsburg right now. Love it alot.

turf club

We spent the day driving and probably cranky cuz we we're hungry, but lucky us! Thomas' friend Liz was there in Minneapolis with her parents, who inexplicably bought us two hotel rooms and dinner at a place next door! What a couple of sweeties they must be. I wouldn't know fer sure because i was feeling shy and there was a foosball table at the place we ate. I vanquished many a foe, for none can slay me. Lee and Sean thought my loud barks of triumph were freakin out poor Liz's parents, so I had to tone down the crazy a little bit. Everybody ate burgers and i had a salad or something, who cares? Afterwards, we went to our rooms and showered but i couldn't shave and I hate that! So we went to the club and were almost late but really right on time. We met up with our pals Skipper and Travis and Georgia and Dave, who brought us our hard drive. It was alternately fun and awkward. The show went very well, methinks. Travis (of Fevers/Ramo records fame) was spinnin hit after hit. When are people gonna realize that bubblegum music is perfect for bars? I'm not talking about us, we suck, but real bubblegum feels SO GOOD! Here are some lyrics from a fav of mine "Jamaica Jamaica, Jamaica Jamaica, Jamaica Jamaica, lalalalala, HEY!" See what I mean? Get over your self and get on the floor. Thanks travis, fer settin the mood. So Skipper opened, and everybody danced and spilled their drinks. the soundguy was wack again, but he had the floor tom up way loud and it sounded real tuff. After they played all my favorite songs, we were treated to a new one. Skipper is a boat of mystery. No one is sure where shes headed and that's how Brian likes it, i think. Anyway, they're GREAT. Next up to bat was The Fab Four of Fullerton, who don't know whether or not they sold alot of stuff. That's how we know if you like us, everyone, give us money. I think they were well received, but not as much as they deserved. We played, and I think people liked us...Did people like us Sean? "yeah" he says with like a little "duh" sound thrown in, "we played a great show." I can never tell unless it's really good. I'm a half empty kinda guy with a very weak audience-dar. Headlining the show were the super cool God Damn Doo Wop Band. I liked them alot, even though I got a chip on my shoulder from reading about'em constantly. They were nice too! I'll always be your girl is a really great song. After the show we sat around talking in the parking lot shootin the bull with our palsy walsys, then it was off to our lovely hotel rooms. Once again Thank you to Liz and (really) her parents fo hookin da homies up wit dat phatty hotel, yall, good lookin out. Peace.

My sissy's Bday Milwaukee

That's right my sister's last name is Bush and she was born on the fourth of July. She is more American than you. We woke up at Daniel's and lazily, lazily got up and got some coffee from down the street. Then we went to Addy's house where we had french toast and potatoes, just like last year! After that, we laid around some more and went to the lake, which was great (ha!). Then we went over to the two houses that had connected as one to form this party. It was real fun! There were two basements setup to play in and they'd switch off so there wasn't any downtime between sets. There were like 7 or 8 bands, and one of'em had Matty Awesome in it! He's in a band and they're just like the lakes out there! I was starving all day because a July 4th BBQ in Milwaukee is not the best place to eat if yer a veggie like me. But whatev's, yo. A good time was had by all. The locals were goin crazy with the fireworks and even more crazy when we played. Audacity killed liike they should and everyone in the audience understood einstein's theory of relativity for the first time. Playing is always my favorite part (aww). besides the show they had a street fighter 2 game up in the kitchen and it was fun for five minutes. also, they had underwater fireworks, which destroyed the bucket they were in after a couple were tied together. We all slept on couches downstairs in the basements and woke up hot and in a hurry. I lost my toothbrush. i dunno, maybe blogging isn't such a good idea right now.

Chicago fer a while then Milwaukee

We Stayed in Chicago and went shopping. Then we went to Milwaukee and hung out with Daniel, whom you all know from the Chinese Telephones, Daniel James Gang and a million other bands. We just chilled, and I blogged about whatever day it was when i was embarrassed about bloggin at the party. Anything interesting happen that day? We were unable to see a movie, and i guess Sean saw some guys messin with the cops out front like "arrest me!" or Hassle me" or something. It's not all fun and games out here, you know. So yeah, thats what we did that day. I wish i could sleep more. I used my backpack as a pillow (kyle left mine at the hotel) and slept on a hardwood floor with no blanket. Whomp whomp.

Chicago

We will not be making the obvious joke about the empty club being named the empty bottle. to be honest it wasn't all that empty, anyway i don't remember crap about this show and really couldn't care less right now. Then why write it you ask? because i've been in a car since 1:30 yesterday morning and we have finally arrived at our destination! yay! a record store! no, wait it gets better, 2 record stores! so while i sit in the hot car wishing i'd gone to college and made something of myself, i'm going to blog. that's what people do now, right? also, we have a cat now, and i think he's mine! i think his name is bowie cuz his eyes are jacked! but we'll see. Alright alright, so we drove to Chicago and waited around while people went shopping they got records and the like. then we got in the club and loaded in and goofed around onstage for no one until the soundgirl started to do her thing. We then went next door to a place called Bite, which despite it's wack ass name, is a fantastic little spot. Kinda like a hippie diner but not too much. The food was awesome, i got a huge dang-it-i-can't-remember- what-they're-called wrap. it's not greek i guess, cuz i just spent ten minutes trying to find out online. But it's like deep fried balls of garbanzo beans or somethin with spices. it had a cucumber dressing and lettuce and tomatoes. anybody know what i'm talkin about? it was delicious and giant and came with sweet potatoe fries, enough to feed me twice. Also they give the bands playin next door free coffee. So i played a couple games of Miss Pacman and waited some more til soundcheck. Homegirl doing the sound really did it. She was checkin and checkin and checkin and yer poor nervous friends in thee band said "hello?" "check" Check..check" etc. oh, it's just awful. but good for her she did a good job. i thought all the bands sounded great that night and you could tell she was working and fixing problems as they came. See soundguys? quit being stupid baby pants and trying to make every band sound like limp bizkit! Turn the bass drum down, fer Bob's sake. Listen. then respond. Stupid soundguys, i hate almost all of you. Wannabe musician-ass bitter babies who get their kicks power trippin on bands night after night. Actin like you've seen it all n what not, we don't believe you! anyway homegirl was fantastic. And then some people showed up! Homeboy from the lovely band The Yolks was there, Nobunny had sent him over to check out the force of nature that is Audacity. They delivered of course, halfway through their first song they had everyone off the bar and watching. We played a great show too, but Lee...I don't even know how to describe what Lee was doing. He made sure anyone enjoying themselves quickly stopped and felt uncomfortable. It was weird. Soundgirl was very concerned and recommended medication. I don't know, Lee, you be actin crazy! Afterwards we went to a lovely hotel that was provided gratis by Matt's parents. They got a timeshare or something and it worked out perfect for us. Thank you Matt's parents!! i'm still using the hair conditioner from that place, it had a whole spiel about shea butter and everything! So we slept like kings and showered like princesses. Very much needed and appreciated, thanks alot Mr and Mrs Schmalfeld!