PEANUT BUTTER!!!!

so we rolled through the checkpoint like nothing, the danger strangers kept cool and got through too after they were searched and interrogated and had the dogs check 'em out. no big thang!
so we drove and drove and drove and finally got to austin after a couple time changes that got us there a few hours later than we wanted but the club didn't seem to mind. the first band didn't show up so we played and it was fun for us! hopefully the 10 people there had fun too, we couldn't really tell. but sue showed up (she took the photos on our album and she just opened a vegan diner-type-deal in austin!), it was nice to see her! and lindsay showed up and gave us a place to stay which was very hospitable. alex and i were loading the van and this drunk guy came up and asked if we needed a house to stay at. we said we already had a place and he seemed genuinely offended that we didn't take him up on his offer. austin hospitality! but we slept in a very nice. clean, cool house and swung on swings in the front yard in the middle of the night, it was nice!
we woke up, burgered it up, took showers and now we're on our way to new orleans!
this blog is not really that good. it's just a this happened, then this happened type of deal. i'm sorry there's no feeling in it. but to make up for it here is a list of emotions we've felt recently: delirium, excited, self-conscious. smitten, horny, frustration, confusion, love, hate, happy, hot (not really an emotion, but still a feeling), scared, lost, a little sad, extremely sad, longing, regret, upset stomach, hungry, full, hoongra, shitty, bewildered, apathetic, chingy, satisfied, camaraderie, nauseated, dirty, clean, swingy, drunk, high (dan climbed a tree), nervous, worried, disloyal, ecstatic, unsure, wet, twitchy, freaky, strange, out of place, out on the side, angry, hungry, queefy, beefy, gassy, dry, thirsty, gross, murderous, scanda-less, shy, stupid, embarrassed, naked, alone, jealousy, home-sick, sympathetic, late bewildered, bemused and wang-tastic ... these are the feelings we can share with each other without it getting too weird.

Beefy Q tour 2009

We don't remember anything funny on the way to Tuscon. But right now is so funny! Oh if we could type the stuff we're talkin about now! Oh my Bob! Heartless and hilarious is the only way. Beefy Q! The first show was super tight. We played at the Hotel Congress in Tuscon which had a fire that ended up gettin John Dillinger caught back in the day. We got there early and got 10 bucks comped towards dinner, which was delicias. I chose the oven baked brie sandwich with red peppers artichoke and some kinda fruity vinegar concoction. It was aight. The eggplant bisque was better. The boys got (what else?) burgers, which were burgers. So we sat around and drank too much coffee cuz we weren't awkward enough yet. When people started to show up me an Ally were good and wired. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Lee misses all the burger girls, but he doesnt want to name any of you. how fucked is that? First up was us because the danger strangers weren't there. We played a lttle jittery but it was pretty tight. After we played travis an matt from the funky fresh knockout pills played their first show as The Unlikely Sons. They were fucking awesome. Tight harmonies and extremely smart songs, just how you'd expect with surprises. After that it was the danger Strangers, who played a little hot little set that was way more diverse then i thought it would be. They got motorhead in there and all kindsa stoner rock really. It was dope. Then was Lenguas Largas, who make you feel cool and detached but involved. They funky, and bust out crazy guitar sounds to keep up your head. Super dope show right? right. It was super dope. then we got a room comped and invited the dead into our souls because its haunted and that's what you do in those places. I was perfectly content with my possession, but Lee wanted to hold hands in a circle to help the evil take over. I was all "seance? more like GAYANCE! get it?!" then we went to sleep. But not before Matt asked if we wanted to record in the world famous coma cave the next day! nards yeah! we said. so we went to bed with sugarplums...the next day we woke up, showered and got to work. The coma cave has a pool! how tight is that? its so hot there. we decided to record our resonars inspired song with the resonars man in the resonars studio while we wore our resonars t shirts. but wait it gets even cooler. Matt totally wrote and sang a harmony on said song! oh snap son! it sound like him! because it is! so yeah whatever thats just whats up now. he be playin the guitar solo on tuesday and then its in the mail dawgie!! we'll put it up when we get it, i cant wait! so we had to rush that recording cuz we had to drive to las cruces to play with our pals the danger strangers and another band who's name i got but forgot later. damn, sorry guys,we were pretty beery. but you was aight. then the dangerboys played and they was tight, but me an ally were bein lazy outside cuz sometimes you just don't care. RIP Uncle Tommy. By then i was on a good one and ready to fuck wit dat guitar a lil bit. i didnt know it felt the same way about me.. in the middle of one song i hit my thumb on the pickup selector, which is missing the plastic thingie, cutting the nards out of my thumb. blood everywhere! hooray! everyone loves blood! we played two songs too many cuz i'm an idiot. Ally totally said to stop at the right time, but i see that blood ya know? anywho, it was a hot little hot little show. we stood around outside after. playing top forty loudly and shouting get your pigeon! to the tune of get your swag on by soulja boy tellem. it was fun. then a young transient by the name of kira hendon invited us to stay at the house where her ruffles truck home was parked and we took her up. after a lengthy rant to the locals about the wonders of american top 40 we were off. I guess it was an after party cuz it was fun, but maybe not because we brought all the fun. but! lucky me, Kate showed up and we got a foosball game going! yay foosball. Kate is some kind of witch or spawn of the devil or something, because girls aren't good at foosball and stuff, duh! so theres no way she could just school my ass over and over unless there was some black magic involved. but i romped on all her homies yo, don't worry. they know whats up with the anaheim foos over there in lost causes new mexico. then most of us went to bed wink wink nudge nudge. i slept in the aforementioned ruffle chips truck home thingie. it was aight. today i awoke to Lee crouched over in the street, mourning the loss of a recently acquired and more recently destroyed 32 oz bottle of a tapatio like hot sauce. we were counting on this to get us through all these non mexican food havin places. damn. after that we got good cheap breakfast and dropped off our new friend who's name i don't know at her house in el paso and we're on our way to austin to play again. right now we're pullin up to the checkpoint they got here to make sure we dont got any fruit or mexicans in here. i think we maybe have an apple. but i really wanna eat it later!
booyah! just rolled through that checkpoint bullshit like barriers i run right through em used to em. however the danger strangers got pulled over and hopefully they aint gettin rolled up...when the cops asked if we were with them we said no.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN (1st hour of USA tour 2009)

near death experiences = 1.5
cookies eaten = 15
cookies left = 200ish
harlem tape played = 2.5 times
tapes sequenced = 1
inside jokes told = many
amount of unexpected $ dan got before = $100
times lee lied to my mother = 1
times we thought we got lost = 3.5
times lee's gotten lost = 1
awkward moments = a lot
miles to indio = 58
guitars forgotten = 1
guitars borrowed = 1 (thanks tracy!)
burgers eaten = 1

and here's a new song called "a sincere and heartfelt tribute to disneyland's jungle cruise adventure"...tell somebody!

best wedding ever (last day of tour)

So as you may or may not know, thee makeout party has had our hands in some celebrity romance this year! yup, being big fans of VH1, Flisted.com and all sorts of po(o)p culture, we thought we'd try a little mind control ourselves. Just kidding, but really, Pat and Debora, who's wedding we played, totally bonded over us when they first met! Cute! Do you know how we met Debora? Sean saw her on the freeway and recognized her from Romeo Void so he pulled over when she got gas! what a creep! but he gave her a CD and she liked it, and when the fates decided to cross her path with Pat's, he was armed and ready with a love of thee makeout party all his own, booyah! How did we meet Pat, you ask? well, he's a beach boys fan, so naturally when he heard about The Explorer's Club he had to go check it out. After missing us at our show with them in LA, Pat, being the sweet dude he is, got invited to a party the next day which happened to be at Alex's house! he saw us and loved us! They totally fell in love after that! It's so sweet! you should see those two, they all lovey dovey an whatnot. speaking of in love, have you heard devon williams? So we were offered the honor of performing at their wedding and we got paid like mad cash, son! Also Pat is all into recording and he wanted to give us a special present. He got a portable 8-track reel to reel right when he first started getting down and it changed his life! So now he wants us to hang on to it and get our start the same way he did with the same machine (only with more good kharma). What a precious baby lambakin he is! Thank you Pat and Debora! So when we got to the Four Season's in Fresno, they already had pizza and buckets of beer for us, along with 2 rooms right next to the pool! oh it was sweet! i ate like 6 slices of pizza and drank about 4 glasses of ranch. you can call me Drank or Danch if you like, i'm known to answer to both. I prefer Drank. So we relaxed and lagged and soundchecked a little and lagged some more, the we all got real pretty and went to the wedding. a wedding! go to a different bar every night for a month and a half for at least 5 hours, then go to a wedding and see if you don't feel the opposite of how you did. it was awesome. i'd forgotten that audacity were not the youngest people on earth, this place actually had children inside. It was awesome. I love weddings, even though they make me think about how i'm a selfish, destructive idiot with no hopes of ever getting over my bullshit long enough to be able to make a life with someone. They're so romantic! I liked when i had to go cry in the bathroom and then come out and be "the kid in the band" again, oh Bob, how i wanted to die! Really a beautiful ceremony. They had their own vows, which to me, is dangerous territory, to me. but it wasn't even cheesy (although i'm not a good judge of these things) it was hardcore! after they kissed and had their first dance there were the best man/woman speechs then a lil intro and then yours truly. It was scary! i knocked over my glass of champagne before we even played! that is scary! We didn't know what Uncle John was gonna think, much less Grandma, cousin Steve and lil Elisa. But they dug it! Hooray! We rocked like 3 generations at once, brah, sappenin? The flower girl grabbed the mic before we started and was all like "everybody DANCE!" just like Prince and then everyone did. I couldn't sing (my voice is still gone)but it didn't matter cuz Alex was holdin it DOWN back there. Alex is like 5 or 6 different drummers, did you know that? it's true, we get down all kindsa ways i can't explain in a blog. This night, Ally was keepin the Psycho caveman thing you all love so much in check, leavin the beats open for little RnB, funk flourishes that most drummers never hear (most drummers suck). Both of Devon's drummers are good though. But not as good as Mighty Alex! He's like Thor, you know, other drummers will try to borrow sticks, but they can't lift them off the ground, only the Holy Son of Odin has the right. So after my voice really started to go, we took a little break and came back fer the second set, which was just like the first ony without the nerves cuz we already were havin fun. Fun Fun Fun! After that it was all Jacuzzi's and good vibes before a lovely sleep in comfy ass beds. I'm sorry for wanting to be comfortable all the time. I like eating and sleeping, myself. I know it's not punk, alright? Don't I have enough punk points yet? Seriously though. I used to justify my bloggin with the fact that everyone else in the band did it, and then i said "well it's cuz i got these long drives and nothing to do" but i'm home now, not driving, and all i wanna do is listen to Devon Williams and blog. So, it's just gonna get more embarrassing. I hope i don't end up with the longest blog of all time. everyone will know what a self absorbed, boring person i am! oh no...

SF dayshow and Oak early the next morning (jerks)

after batman we totally woke up devon and forced our hyper asses into his sisters tiny living room. He's such a sweetie that'n. We giggled like schoolgirls fer a while and fell asleep. in the morning we slept til later and then got up to go to breakfast. it was a hippy spot like any other on haight street, chalkboard specials, and coloredy stuff everywhere. i.t was ok but pricey and filled me twice so whatevs. then we split up from devon and farted around til showtime. well, actually two hours before showtime cuz the guardian LIED to us. thats what responsible people do with bands they don't know, did you know that? yeah, they'll tell you to show up way early so when you're super late it's not a big deal. not a bad idea overall, but damnit, we are a punctual band! we're always early to everything you bastards! anyway, the show was awesome except we sucked. no one seemed to notice though, but still we didn't change any lives that evening. everyone had a great time and then it was off to the ghostown gallery in oakland where the first thing i see upon entering is Omar from apache fighting with the doorman, who says to him "what band are you in?" to which he replies "thee makeout party!" and the doorguy says "well you're never playing here again". and off they go. this is maybe why when the crappy college funk band was playing, the singer (may or may not have) been flipping me off for a verse, before saying(for sure) "this was sposed to be our last song but F it, let's show these out of town bands how oakland do" and playing forever again. they sucked and were super mean. I saw greg ashley play a little downstairs but somehow forgot who he was and made an ass of myself by the end of the night. we didn't play til like 230 and everyone had left. us and nobunny just switched back and forth between songs and were silly. it was depressing cuz we expected a party and a half but nobunny is a special thing so it was super fun anyway. afterwards we slept in the van in front of michelle's house and audacity went home! aawww! we kinda hugged and stuff but it was weird. i love those guys so much and we got to know eachother a little better and all that good stuff, but you know tours crazy and you're not quite you on vacation anyway so who knows who i met. too bad the parents aren't reading anymore. i was gonna tell'em how proud they should be again.

The best day ever...

We met up with Fever B in a new mustang! hell yeah, Fever B! the 'Stang!! Truck yeah!! Fever B is my songwriter faborida. the Fever's rule and so does Skipper. Pretty perfect little baby pop songs with ridiculously efficient and sad lyrics. He sings super wussy with the girls singin tough and it works like gangbusters. I especially like "When it's over" the best song ever. that's why i like it so much. He also got stuff that you don't get to hear yet but take it from me sucka, it's G O O D! oh my, "pop punk love"? "Don't you worry bout it"? oh me! sorry for bragging. so we rolls out in the stang and heads to the bay. when we gets there they all be shoppin so i just chills. thens some stuffs goes down and we heads over to devrokkens show. we cannot play here and i am a jerk for not recognizing homeboy from infrasonic and the starlite desperation, but they are not funny anyway. sorry. so we goofs around an i loses my wallet but i finds it an then me n DeepV n some other guy who's name started with D started a band that had alex texting me to tell to shut up while we played. he didin't know it was me, he just knew it was stupid. but stupid FUN, dearest alex, fun. So after the crowd dispersed and we calmed the riots down a little it was time to get to the real reason today was the best day ever...The Starlite Desperation!! just kidding The Dark Knight!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!! YAY!!! Hell Yeah! This is gonna be so good, oh wait that's tonite when i see it again with all my friends! but it was so good at midnight in oakland, with an occasional outburst from an overexcited audience member. (I was hoping for a crowded theatre full of loud black people, sorry) rowdy theatres rule! i got to see army of darkness with my brother when i was little and everyone in there were crazy metalheads to me. it was cool! anyway Batman is reall cool and this is easily the best comic movie ever made, which still isn't saying much. But Homeboy kicked the crap out of jack nicholson's weird family ass. Jack wanted to be cool jack and heath deadger (too soon?) wanted to be the joker. Heath wins! He crazy as all getout! So lovely. Did you read The Killing Joke by Alan Moore? it's one of those things you give to someone who doesn't like comics and change them for life. I'd bet 5 daughters Heath read that thing and liked it. he's fun knee! sorry for missing Starlite Desperation and Desperation Wallflower, but we had extra tickets, yo! you should have gone! and screw you AJ for not answering your phone, you jerk. Frak your stupid date, Slack Mafia's in town and Batman's out at midnight, WTF? Anyway it doesn't matter because the joker is so cool. i actually stayed awake! Snap we're almost home!

santa cruz fun day with weird night show in monterey

Matts sister lives next to the boardwalk and she works there so after graciously allowing us to wake her up at 430 and stink up her extra room with our filth and disease, then cook an amazing breakfast that had real waffles, grapes and banannas, a blueberry muffin loaf, orange juice some stuff i fergot i'm sure, and all kindsa dead pig for you depraved mudering sick caveman athiest freaks out there, she took us over there and slapped on some wristbands that entitiled us to a full day of whatever we wanted to do at one of the ten largest theme park kinda things in america attendancewise, or so they say. King Neptune's somethin or other used to be a huge indoor pool and the acrobats would perform above people swimming? i think thats what the wall said. the wall also di.vided the history of the place in 3. prefire, postfire, and post Disney. RUFF RUFF RUFF! rather than resist the daunting challenge Walt Disney had placed on these types of shanty establishments santa cruz got wise and tried to clean up its act. nice try santa cruz, you jankie! it was cool, i watched crap chinese ballet that impressed my inner redneck thoroughly, saw the really old brass ring merry go round (thats when you can reach out once per time around to this arm and grab a ring to throw in the clowns mouth. cool!) Just about the time that got boring I got a call from Matt sayin he ran into...DRUMROLL PLEASE...Devron Winksmith and Associates! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! So we gave them our wristbands and went on our way. I managed to creep out one of Derby's many many sisters in the 2 seconds we spoke, sorry Doven. But the sisters of Deebo are plentiful, fair and both kind and likewise to the eyes, long may his family thrive. Off we went to a strange forest that was like any other forest except it was near the beach and had sand next to the little river. it was cool until sean called and said get down here so thats what we did. when we got there thomas was running up and down the street in my jacket yelling nonsense and we found a good parking spot. alex liked the drummer from the first band the shivas, who were all like 17 but the drummer was like 14. they were good. i'm trying to retype what got lost and i wrote this one real good last time. i dont even wanna any more. read justine by the marquis de sade and apply it to making fun of an old drunk guy yourself.